Some days it’s hard to move forward, or to move at all, really.
You can throw everything into question, into a big soul-centrifuge and let it spin while you feel lost and empty. Nothing works. You get tired of trying, of thinking too hard, of trying to figure out exactly what is appropriate in a society that only pushes on full throttle. How do you gulp down, reinvent, transform and represent yourself when you’re not feelin’ any of it?
You can always shove your delicate soul into the death spiral inspiration zone. It just takes two or three clicks to see all the amazing thing that others are doing – beautifully, colorfully, profitably, and clearly with none of the frustration or self-doubt that you have. Pin your heart out with all the beautiful things you find on the web from all the inspiring people. Beat yourself up for not having come up with all the good ideas first. Because that’s really the most fun, inspirational part of looking at everyone’s work, isn’t it? The part that makes you feel you’re not doing enough?
Then let you head crash on your keyboard.
Because you are you.
And your darkest, most insecure moments are part of you too. Look inside. See the pain, the anxiety, the hurt? Shake its hand, because it resides in you. Make its acquaintance. Honor its purpose. Then look down at those ten toes. Move five of them forward, then the other five. One small step at a time. Pain and insecurity may sideline you, but it isn’t meant to stop you.
Consider this: at your worst moment, you swing and move back to your best. You’re in continuous motion. You cannot be defined by one moment in time. You may feel sadness, but you are wisdom and joy and beauty, too. You are all of those things, which is what makes you whole. You are not not a picture of someone else’s handmade goods on Pinterest or a someone else’s cute blog article that you wish you had written or a photo from your very complicated DSLR camera that just doesn’t look like the one you saw on line.
You are your own beautiful poem, your own beautiful pool of sadness and hurt. You move forward to your own song. No one else can do what you do, in the way that you can do it.
You are all that but you are much more.
Embrace it all. Every bit of it. Wrap your arms around yourself and repeat after me.
“This is who I am. This is what I have. And it’s with this, this ‘me’ that I am moving on.”
And walk. One step at a time.